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When you see that your children suffer emotionally

When you see that your children suffer emotionally


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The environment in which the child moves influences his emotional state. This emotional state is the engine that guides children in their evolutionary development.

The emotions that the child experiences will be modulated by the child's ability to learn skills and acquire the necessary tools to deal with the world. That is, if the child feels good he will develop optimally, on the other hand if the emotions he feels are negative (worries, not feeling affection, etc.), these will have negative consequences on his evolution. How can we parents help when we see that our children suffer emotionally?

The negative emotions that cause us suffering are part of life. They cannot be avoided. Sometimes this emotional suffering is even necessary for the adequate developmental development of children to take place.

- Positive suffering. This is associated with situations that the child may go through in their childhood such as: meeting new people, getting used to the separation of their parents, facing the limits and rules imposed by parents, etc. All of them will be necessary and beneficial for the child's development when they occur in a stable context as they help the child to develop the capacity for self-control and self-control.

- Tolerable suffering. This type of suffering is associated with threatening experiences such as the death of a loved one, a parental divorce, natural disasters. All experiences that can have long-term consequences, but that will be tolerable if they occur in a limited period of time in which family members help the child by giving him security and using strategies to reduce his suffering.

Other times this suffering damages their development:

- Toxic suffering. Its trigger is situations such as: extreme poverty, family breakdown, abuse, etc. There is also a lack of parental support to help children cope with these situations. The result is that children who experience this type of emotional distress from early childhood will be more susceptible to illnesses such as diabetes or hypertension and mental health problems such as depression or anxiety when they are older.

Parents when educating their children want the best for them. Many times they err in trying to avoid frustration and suffering for their children. Negative emotions are part of the game and cannot be avoided or set aside. Therefore, instead of falling into overprotection, families should channel these types of emotions and try not to be harmful to children.

Thus, children must learn to handle emotional skills from an early age. If you experience a negative emotion, adults should not minimize the emotion or try to "rescue" you by offering immediate relief. Parents should offer other types of strategies in which the child learns to help himself and to manage his feelings. For it:

- Be close. Parents have to see children as people who have their own emotional world and that they feel safe to express their emotions. Do not ward off negative emotions but face them. That is, if the child is sad, when we say: “don't be sad” we are trying to avoid suffering for the children, which damages their emotional intelligence. It will be better to face it and ask why you are feeling so that you will acquire tools and experiences that help you recognize the emotional complexities.

- Accept emotions. The child must have sufficient confidence in his family and understand that his environment accepts the emotions he is feeling. That is, to banish stereotypical phrases such as: "children do not cry." Thus, the child will understand that the emotions he feels are not something he should fear or show.

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Video: Understanding PTSDs Effects on Brain, Body, and Emotions. Janet Seahorn. TEDxCSU (October 2022).