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Teach the child not to feel obliged to do what he does not want

Teach the child not to feel obliged to do what he does not want


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"Honey, give the neighbor a kiss ...", "You have to leave your toy to this child ...". They are phrases that we have surely said to our children or we have heard from other mothers or fathers.

Many times we force our children to do things that they do not want or do not feel like doing, (we do not mean doing their homework or cleaning their room, or going to English or eating vegetables ...), but things like going to their birthday. a child, go to play, share toys or kiss strangers, (for him). On our site we tell you how to teach the child not to feel obliged to do what he does not want.

Let's take an example, you invite your child to a birthday, and it turns out that the child does not want to go, does not feel like it, does not get along with some of the children who will go, or simply ... does not want to (it does not usually happen but let's imagine it ). Instead of asking him why he doesn't want to go, we say, "but you have to go, they have invited you and you have to go, if not, they will not invite you anymore or the child will be very sad. We force him to go we create obligations towards others, where what they feel is worth more than the child himself feels.

With kissing and sharing is the same. We force them to share for the sake of sharing, but we do not teach them the value of sharing, what they gain and what they lose, the beauty of that act.

Sometimes we tell them that they have to do things even if they don't feel like it, because "you have to do it", "otherwise the other person will feel bad", and we don't look at how our children can feel doing things they don't want to. Nor do we look at the message we send, "you have to do things for others and it doesn't matter what you feel or think." We record this message for them when they are little, but As adults we want them to be assertive, to know how to say no, or to express their own opinions. A bit contradictory, right?

More than forcing them to do things, we have to teach them to choose, to make their own decisions, to express their feelings, to put themselves in the place of others, to understand how others can feel, but without being forced to do things they do not want.

This point is important for a few reasons:

  • If I force him to do things I do not teach them to choose or to be autonomous.
  • If I teach you that there are certain things that we are obligated to do, How will they know to say no to strangers or in risky situations?
  • Forcing them to do things they don't want to involves ignoring your feelings And it is very frustrating when you feel something and others ignore it.

Perhaps the most important reason is that what we teach them and how we educate them when they are young, will shape how our children will be in the future. We want them to be autonomous adults, with the ability to choose, who are not submissive but direct their lives and if we don't teach them when they are little, they won't know when they grow up.

Therefore we have to teach them and explain to them why there are things we have to do even if we don't like them, like going to school, saying hello when we enter a place or being respectful towards others. And teach them to make their own decisions and choose for themselves, assuming the responsibilities of doing or not doing things.

You can read more articles similar to Teach the child not to feel obliged to do what he does not want, in the category of Conduct on site.


Video: EA English Basic Lesson 1 Basic Lesson for Kids (December 2022).