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When we talk colloquially about problem children, we generally mean children who have behavior and conduct problems Before which parents and teachers often do not know how to act. But calling them problematic, (or mis calling them), makes us focus only on the child as a problem and not on everything that surrounds the child, (their history, their characteristics), nor on the guidelines or ways of handling these behaviors by adults.
We explain how to help problem children, and what may be behind this behavior.
Children who disobey, who give bad answers, who get angry when things don't go their way, children who defy, who often lie... These behaviors overwhelm parents and educators, who sometimes do not know how to handle them and lose control of the situation. And when we don't know how to handle these situations, that's when problems really come. "It affects family life, school life, creating a tense environment that does not help the child, nor to solve the situation.
What is behind these behaviors and what can we do? It is important, in order to work on these behaviors, to know what is behind them. Not always behind a "problem" child there is a conduct disorder, sometimes these problems hide a problem or a difficulty to which the child does not know how to respond or driving or a lack of tools to manage emotions, inappropriate guidelines at home, etc ...
It is normal that as they grow children, give themselves challenging behavior and even sometimes aggressive, and this is not a problem in itself, if we know how to handle it. It is essential to always cut these behaviors, since if we do not pay attention to them or we let them pass, they can increase over time, and it is more difficult to manage. So it is important to spend time and attention correcting these behaviors.
And of course there are children more "difficult" than othersBut not every difficult child is problematic if we know how to handle it.
Another aspect to consider is pay attention to when and how these problem behaviors occur, from when they occur, and try to find out what may be causing them. For example, children who have always been calm, who do not usually answer their parents, who although they have tantrums and anger, are within normality, but for a while now they are irritable, angry, answering, and we do not get used to it. they.
These behaviors may be hiding a conflict in the child and must be addressed. For example, it is not uncommon for children with a learning disability to have worse behavior at a certain time, especially at times related to homework or schoolwork. But it is rather an emotional consequence of the difficulty and not a behavior "disorder" in itself. So it is very important to pay attention to what children tell us with their behaviors in order to work on it.
Some general guidelines that we can take into account and that will help us can be:
1. Set clear rules and limits and the consequences of exceeding them.
2. Avoid yelling and try not to put yourself on the same level as the child.
3. Reinforce those appropriate and positive behaviors and ignore those that we want not to be repeated. If the child yells to get my attention and I give it to him to stop yelling, at that moment I reinforce him to yell, and every time the child wants me to attend to him he will yell and yell until he receives what he wants, which is my attention. So we will have to ignore those behaviors that we do not like and pay attention to the desirable ones.
4. Act from the first moment any behavior that we do not want appears.
5. Be patient and try not to take drastic measures that you will not be able to comply with.
6. DO NOT punish with withdrawal of affection and affection, no matter how angry we are.
7. If these behaviors also occur at school, collaborate with the school and teachers.
In these cases, the role of the child psychologist is fundamental. When we suspect or believe that there is something else behind these behaviors, when we lack tools or what we do no longer works to handle certain situations with these children, it is important that an expert professional evaluate the child and the environment and assess whether we are facing a conduct disorder or a behavior problem that may be transitory, (eg between stages of development,) or due to other causes, (an undiagnosed learning disability, wake-up calls etc.).
Once evaluated and valued, he will be the one who can best guide and advise us on how to work from home and, if necessary, from the school, to improve and modify these behaviors.
You can read more articles similar to Problematic children, how to act?, in the category of Conduct on site.