Many times I hear parents of teenage children speak and many of the phrases that are repeated the most are these: "My son does not want to come with us anywhere", "My son does not count anything", "My son does not collaborate at home", "What a messy room my son always has!", "My son does not talk to me", etc..
How many complaints do we have as parents, right? Surely you have identified with some of them. However, perhaps our teenage son has other complaints from his parents. Perhaps what he lacks is illusion. Maybe what happens is that you have ... an unmotivated teenager.
Here are some of the teen quotes that many parents complain about:
- "My parents do not understand me"
- "My parents don't trust me"
- "My parents tell me everything, yelling"
- "My parents are always comparing me or with my brothers or with friends"
- "My parents don't like my friends"
Surely you have also identified yourself in some of these complaints, which our children could do. The point is, that each other ... we are not happy with what we have.
It is common that when our children reach a certain age, our family environment becomes and turbulence appears in the environmentHowever, take it easy! Everything has a solution! We just need a few strategies to carry on and calm the mood, again.
Adolescence should be taken as a natural stage in the lives of our children, and in our own lives as parents. We cannot wait for this stage thinking that everything will be complicated, that many problems will come and that we will not know how to manage certain situations. It's like waiting for the rain with an umbrella, a raincoat, a protective wall and boots, only to realize later that with the simple umbrella everything was under control. Therefore, the first thing is to accept that it is another stage in the development of our children.
Mainly, it is based on emotional and physical change, and that is why, that today our son is highly motivated and the next moment, he does not want to talk. It is usual for him to be very affectionate, and after two minutes, he tells us “how heavy with hugs!” ... It is frequent, that he talks to you sweetly or loudly ... but mainly, it is usual, to see him unmotivated.
So that everything is in order, and we return to a balanced coexistence, we can put into practice certain strategies such as the following:
1. First, watch your needsTalk to him to find out what he needs (not what you think he might need) and of course, try to ensure that they are well covered.
2. Second, try to create pleasant emotional states, before getting into deep conversations or complaints or remarks. It is important that we all feel in a calm emotional state, to express everything we need in a serene way. And to be motivated, to carry out the next task.
3. Third, go to inner motivations, instead of rewards or punishments, with external motivations. Remind him of how good it will feel to do his homework before playing play, for example. Remind him of situations in which he was happy to have achieved what he set out to do, so that emotion is the predominant motivation to carry out a new task.
4. Fourth, it is better to focus on positive behavior, reinforcing his strengths, than just reminding him how bad he does things. I remind you of the patience you had when I was little and I was learning to walk… that sensitivity that we had as parents and that came out without forcing us… where is it now?
5. And finally, celebrate every positive or successful step in your journey, teach them to enjoy and celebrate the successes they are getting. These moments will also serve you, to reinforce the third point. This will be an extra motivation, to continue doing things positively.
Therefore, I know that this stage is not easy in our children, but with love and patience, we can overcome it. Remember, if when they were little, we were there for them, without limitation, now we can also continue to be under the umbrella of love and conscious presence.
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